Blank Pages

Karcy had a very interesting question the other day. She asked on Facebook, why do the artists on her friends list create?

For me, the art of creation is what keeps me sane. Writing keeps me sane, keeps me alive, keeps me grounded, in a sense. Several years ago, after being out of a job for about 10 months, I began to work full time again. (My venture into freelance is something I’m still highly embarrassed about, mainly because it’s due to my own inadequacies, but that’s a topic for another day).

So when I started working again, I went into social media. It was what I was hired for, what my skillset then was good at. And in the business of it all, I neglected to write. As in write longform, stringing together words to make sentences to turn into essays. I began job-hopping. Then I finally ended up where I am working now, and still I didn’t write.

It took almost 18 months and the realisation I was slipping into depression before I began to take up the pen again. I could write, it seems during Nannowrimo, but I was afraid to write any other time. The sense of failure had resulted in fear, and I was truly afraid that I would fail again.

I tried all sorts of way to write. It wasn’t until this year, when I started submitting stories, that I really felt right about writing. It’s not an indulgent thing, to want to write because I want to. It’s not a matter of bragging about my skills. I’m not an imposter who’s lucky enough to string words together.

I write because I want to live.

And that’s all that matters.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Of everything I have ever learned as a literary agent and as a writer, there is one lesson that I think is more important than any other: you must write for your life.- Holly McGhee, Nanowrimo 2013 Peptalk

Nobita reading a Doraemon comic, from the 100 Years Doraemon Exhibit

When it comes to writing stories, I’m not the kind that plans. I’m the kind that researches what I need, rolls into what I think I want to happen, and then see if there’s a correlation between what I want to write and the culture I’m taking from. Which is how I usually end up with stories set in different cultures, in piecemeal settings that merely hint at the culture I’ve stolen borrowed from.

So yes, I’m pretty much a pantster, as we’re called in Nanowrimo. It brings to mind one of my favourite mantras, which is “Write Drunk, Edit Sober” (side note: Since I can’t actually consume alcohol, I tend to substitute this with cheap sugar and/or food that loosen my inhibitions. Friends who’ve seen me get “high” know what I mean. No weed involved).

Ever since the submissions for Women Destroy Science Fiction and Buku Fixi’s Lost in Putrajaya anthologies were announced, I’ve been hatching ideas and short stories to submit. None of them though, fit what I wanted to say.

Till, appropriately, the very last minute. I submitted the Science Fiction piece the night before, while Lost In Putrajaya’s was submitted MINUTES before the deadline. I fully expect LIP’s piece to be rejected (received the notice for SF’s piece some time ago) but it’s made me want to write more. To let go and just let the words flow, no matter if they were nonsensical or simply words.

I missed that.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Image by Ramunas Geciauskas on Flickr.

So Rincredulous sent me a link to a very interesting challenge. It was quite simply, 100 topics to write about when you hit a block. However, while chatting with her, she suggested I do both short story and themed blog post (the result of which you can read here) but that’s neither here nor there.

So if you’re wondering, here’s my chosen 100 topics, taken straight from the 100theme challenge on DA. I might add a short story to it, I might not. Or maybe a blog post. We shall see.

Read the rest of this entry »

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Kagum.

Mengagumkan.

In English, as a child, I was taught that the two words above meant “awe” and “awesome” respectively (I am aware that DBP says otherwise, but bear with me here). These days, I feel the word awesome is kinda overused, at least among the net generation like myself. We use the word awesome to admire things that are really respectable and admirable, but they don’t often inspire awe. I don’t feel the word “awesome” has as much punch as the word “awe” does these days, and that is rather sad when “awesome” means so much more than just regular “awe.”

Kagum, and mengagumkan, on the other hand to me, still signifies that awe. It’s that moment of wonderment, that moment of discovery, that moment when you can feel, within your entire being, that the world stops and you simply bask in that awesomeness of the moment. It is that moment that takes your breath away, that moment when you learnt the joy of learning, the moment when you see the sun set and you think, “That is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life” and that moment when you feel you have been swept off your feet and the world has simply stopped.

This is in a joyous kind of way, might I add. Kagym inspires a kind of joyful wonder that grows lesser the older we grow.

Kagum can be used in so many different ways too. As the root word, it can also carry the meaning “amazed” if used in the first person perspective.

“Saya kagum,” can mean “I’m amazed/impressed.” Mengagumkan, on the other hand, has just the meanings “Awesome” or “admired.”

“Dia mengagumkan” is “He/she is amazing.” There’s also “Saya mengagumkan dia,” which translates to “I admire him/her.”

Such a simple word that rolls off the tongue. Kagum is pronounced as “KA” as in car with a silent r, and “gun” with a more rolled off M? Not too sure how to describe it, but I’ve always loved the word “kagum” instead of “awesome.” It just… describes things better.

So the next time you see something that’s struck you with awe, try saying “mengagumkan” instead to them, especially if they know Malay. Tell me how it goes.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

The reason writers must bare their souls on the page is because someone out there in the world desperately needs to hear our story.
- Cherrie Moraga, as quoted by Ollin Morales

Several years ago, I read this particular quote on Facebook, before it got big. And it struck a chord in me. It reminded me of the many times I have read other authors, other writers, and come away far richer than I had been before I read them.

Yet I could not often reply to these authors to thank them. Some I could, because they were still alive and had an email address I could write to. Others were long dead or intimidated me because they had achieved a greatness I could only dream of.

Yet for a very long time, I thought long and hard about the words I wrote. Not about the actual words I wrote, but the reasons for writing. Why spend hours writing when I could be busy gaming, listening to music, checking out Facebook, Twitter and Google+, or even just reading other author’s words?

The answer came back to me as I was looking back on one of my older entries with a reference from another friend.

The words I needed to hear were my own. They are my immortalised dreams, a point of reference to look back on. They remind me of the spirit I had, of the promises I made to myself, of the grandiose statements I made.

Statements which I see, for now, are ashes.

Ashes, however, often hide ember. And ember can be stirred to create new fires. The trick is to get some flammable stuff to catch the fire first, then build it into a long-burning passion.

That starts now. *blows dust from journal*

Hi everyone.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

When in doubt, seek out that which gives you strength. Let your instincts be your guide.

I kind of miss doing menial work. The kind where you’re required to focus your whole physical attention on what you’re doing. When at that point in time, nothing else matters but the task at hand. It’s partially about getting task done perfectly, but it’s also about rhythm. It’s like when you do something often enough, the task becomes routine. Your body knows what to do without you telling it.

And as it moves, and as it travels, you fall into this simple, joyous existence. A certain calmness comes over you.

Then I sit at the keyboards and let the music in my ears take over my fingers. And all is right in the world.

Listening to Music from Angela Aki’s Home album is wonderfully inspiring. :)

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Can’t believe it’s been more than 6 months since I started this meme. Whoops. Well, I might as well finish it, since it has been bugging my mind.

Have you ever written a character with physical or mental disabilities? Describe them, and if there’s nothing major to speak of, tell us a few smaller ones.
I once considered writing a character who had a learning disability, ala Fei Mau if anyone remembers the TVB drama about the big fat guy who was mentally disabled. Although the idea has been simmering in my mind, I eventually gave up because there was no way I could write/explore him without being condescending, rude and shallow.

How often do you think about writing? Ever come across something IRL that reminds you of your story/characters?
Strangely enough, now that I’m away, yes, I think about it all the time. Very often, it’s not really the act of writing, of exploring the world I’ve created that I miss the most. It’s just the feel of the keys and typing in general. I spend most of my days in front of a computer nowdays, perhaps more than I’ve ever done in years, but I don’t do a lot of typing. Instead, I click on the mouse. And when I do turn to write, it’s only for brief seconds. Sigh.

To answer the second question, yes, sometimes, but what those are, I’m not telling. :P

Final question! Tag someone! And tell us what you like about that person as a writer and/or about one of his/her characters!
Jhameia and Ai, if they’re reading their F-list. Tell me about the character you hate the most in your novel, and why. :P

Read the rest of this entry »

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

In which I spent about an hour or less (more likely the former) reading about fanfiction.

The summary I’ve been told?

The story about Lovecraft dying due to fanfiction and that Marion Zimmer Bradley not being able to publish her own stories because a fan had developed similar ideas is false. The links are in that post, I’m really too lazy to summarise.

When you have writers like George RR Martin claiming otherwise, well… there’s a reason why Galbadon, Martin and Robin Hobb are NOT on my buying list.

Edit: Jim C Hines, ever so nice author, has a link to the whole Marion Zimmer Bradley case. It’s food for thought, and pretty much the same thought I had about fanfiction as well. Basically don’t see, and don’t tell.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Just a quick question for all the scientists, physicists and astronomers on my list. Would the following be an accurate hierarchy of our universe?

Planets => Stars => Systems => Galaxy => Universe?

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Short meme is short.

How willing are you to kill your characters if the plot so demands it? What’s the most interesting way you’ve killed someone?
Stabbing people straight in the heart. Always works. Though it really depends on the reason they die.

Do any of your characters have pets? Tell us about them.
If you count Spirit animals, then yes they do have pets. Though it tends to be servants rather than pets.

Let’s talk art! Do you draw your characters? Do others draw them? Pick one of your OCs and post your favorite picture of her!
Yes. Annwn’s turning out to be a rather multi-faceted character, which I think is quite a nice and pleasant surprise.

Along similar lines, do appearances play a big role in your stories? Tell us about them, or if not, how you go about designing your characters.

Read the rest of this entry »

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.