Blank Pages

How we self-sabotage our own selves.

I’ve always been afraid. I don’t know why. I think it’s gotten worse though, over the years. Might need to do a Timeline therapy for this. Find out the cause of my fear, make my peace with it, and let it go.

The fear, this leaden feeling
It sits in a corner of my chest.
Just under my left breast
A heavy, leaden thing.

When I close my eyes
And acknowledge my fear exists
I find myself standing still, sitting still
Nothing moves.

There is no fear, in the traditional sense
No panic, no increased heartbeat, no desire to run
Instead, what there is
Is resigned acceptance that things change for the worse.

It’s a horrible thing, this fear.
Not the kind that makes you scream, cry, shout in horror
No, this fear is infinitely more terrifying
Simply because it is calming.

Fear to keep you where you are
To protect yourself from disappointment
Freezing yourself in that one moment
To keep the self from harm.

I acknowledge this fear.
I acknowledge it exists.
I know the reason for its presence.
And choose to move forward, with its warning.

Fear is the mind-killer
It is also the protector
Minimising risk and increasing survival rate
Fear was once necessary.

You need love to live
But fear to survive
Without one, the other cannot be.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Autumn Winter
Summer December
A stray glance
A misplaced trust
Gone was light
Innocence lost

But for a kiss to be slain
But for a night, to be destroyed.

Forbidden, forbidden
Ah how sweet the fruit
Even sweeter still
The corruption of souls.

~~~~~

A fleeting stray
A gentle glance
A soft heart
Innocence relapse.

Fear and love
Leash and free
The same mistakes,
The same longing.

Different beds in a night
Lovers many but hearts a few
Reap, reap weep and rend
Thus begins the Baron’s revenge.

- The Downfall of the Vermillion Isles
Written by an unknown poet

Evgenia’s Fall by http://geminianeyes.com is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
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Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Paper ink
Paper pen
Paper write without end

Paper ink
paper pen
Paper my heart will you rend

Paper ink
Paper Pen
Where will my words you send?

Paper ink
Paper pen
Paper paper my skills to mend.

Paper ink
Paper bend
Ok, find, words
Paper paper my writing to be banned?

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

You were there when I was at my weakest.
You saw me through tears.
You carried me gently through endless nights.
Though I’ve cheated on you, you’ve always taken me back.
You never complain when you have to share.
Your rough and warm surface never fails to support me.
Even after all these years, you’ve retained your bounce.

This Valentine’s, make love, not war… to your bed. :P

Credit: Sleepy Heffalump by Neil T, on Flickr

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Found this while cleaning my room. Wrote this during a breakup years ago:

The summer rains are here
The summer sun set to sear
A woman’s face smiles
Her heart hidden beneath files

The secrets that she kept
The tears that she wept
Releasing a bird never felt more painful
Neither did suicide so beautiful

Too many friend she has
To some her soul laid bare
Yet the only one she wants
Is the only one who is a friend

How do you go back
And become just friends?
What medicine could you take,
To firmly accept a love’s end?

Pain beyond measure
Nagging without censure
Her parents don’t care
She knows no trust there

A book, a tool, an instrument
Things tangible on this firmanent
They’ve seen the depths of her pain
To see a happy soul now slain

A lone spirit, set adrift
The heaviness she cannot lift
Her tears will not fall here
Not when behind grandma slumbers

Cry when you’re alone
When loneliness cuts to the bone
Keep close to you your phone
In case he calls, and hears your voice.

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Strings of an instrument
Rhymthic fingers caressing
Shades of a stage
The sickly spotlight shines

He sleeps
She lies awake
Possesive, his hand around her
Comforted, she smiles

Soft, soft moans
A lady bent over
Cramps in her stomach
She walks in

Quiet, quiet
The building sleeps
Not a sound
Not a soul
Comes to stir

The club sings
The humans dream
Within the walls the music
dance
Harmony ascendant

Sultry, silky, smooth,
Teasing, provocative, deliberate
He lures her in
Till applause breaks the spell

Off the stage he goes
Behind the wall she beckons
All in the silence
Of tonight…

Original entry as appearing at Ink to Screen.

Merunsing
Hatiku berpusing
Kegelisahan bertambah
Di ambang merdeka kini

Kekecohan
Di jalanan, mahupun di kampung
Di bandar dan di rumah
Semuanya gemuruh

Dalam kegelapan ini
Teringat suatu peribahasa
Di mana bayangnya, di situlah cahaya

Dengan cahaya wujudlah gelapan
Dalam sinaran adalah bayangnya
Untuk setiap yang inginkan kemusnahan
Wujudlah lebih ramai yang inginkan keamanan

Negaraku bukannya yang termoden
Negaraku mungkin terlalu runsing
Tapi yang adanya macha
Tiada warna, tiada sempadan

Mereka yang mementingkan diri
Terlalu inginkan kuasa dan wang
Sehingganya negara yang menjadi mangsa
Rakyatnya yang merana

Dalam bayangan wujudlah cahaya
Dalam runsingan wujudnya jawapan
Dalam kegelapan adalah harapan
Dalam rakyat adalah pendirian

Kepada mereka yang inginkan kemusnahan
Kepada mereka yang inginkan kuasa
Baliklah, iblis, ke nerakamu
Tinggalkan negaraku Malaysia sekarang!

Ditulis sempena Kemerdekaan Malaysia ke 53 dan Hari Malaysia ke 47. Inspired by a quote from the Mothership, “who would like to remind you that in this ever present darkness, there’s always someone nearby with a light. And if you’re willing, you can be that light.”

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

Inspired by this song. Which will have to be posted later cause my Internet is being dumb. All fixed now.

Hot nights
Heat waves

A songbird cries its melody
Even as the night grows dark
Otherworldy spirits walk the roads
The animals fear them not

The owl hoots
Takes to flight
At the head of the column
The Dark God walks

Guiding his way
The owl leads
Soon they reach
Their destination unaccosted.

Within, a family slumbers
Without, a gang of thieves watches
The Dark God stands by
As the gang attacks

Haunting, his maidens sing
They cover the screams within
A child runs outside
She stops in front of them

Accusing, she points
At him
He smiles
Her death certain.

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

Dedicated to Mothership aka Erna. <3

There’s a light burning
A candle sitting bravely

Alone on the pedestal it sits
Giving its light without stint
“My light is here for all,” it said
And so they took.

Little by little, the candle melted
Winds blew, storms raged
Till there was nothing left but a wick
And so the candle grew despondent

“Is this the end?” the candle thought
“Is anyone going to notice me gone?”

As darkness overwhelmed the candle
Other candles came to help
They remembered when the candle had passed on its fire
Lighting their way and giving them warmth

“Take from us, as you have so freely given,”
“Do not stint, do not hesitate,”
“Let us love you,” they said
“As you have loved us.”

“But I have none left to give!
My wax is almost melted, only a thin wick remains,”

“You remain. And that is all that matters.”

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.

A short poem about choosing your writing implements with care.

Choose your writing implements with care
Thumb, nay, discard not the inkwell
A quill, with a fine tip
May still outlast a pencil.

Choose your ink with care
For they mark your words
With permanance, lasting more
Than simple charcoal

To publish, is to expose yourself
To scream, shout, cajole
Lost in a cacophony of voices
A discordant crowd

A pen, a quill, a keyboard
Are mightier than the sword indeed
But swords can cut, can hurt
And thus the bravery of words are hidden.

Thus choose your writing implements with care
Preserve your words and meanings well
For though my words, my writings may perish
May their bravery offer you strength.

Original entry as appearing at Reach Into Your Soul.